Conflict: Select Suffering
Why should we suffer, and how does it benefit us?
“I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death”. Philippians 3:10 NIV
Peace and Love to all who will hear or read my thoughts and share in this journey in becoming a servant. It is my hope that I can help introduce you to the person of Jesus and convey how you can live the remainder of your life with him in freedom.
I recall about 8 years ago, my wife and I had a couple of disagreements, and it took two to three valuable days of my life and being able to connect with her. We argued over silly things, and I got offended when she told me how she felt. I was not very understanding and took a defensive stance when we exchanged words. I recall saying words like, “I have to stand up for myself” and “If you said that to me I would not get upset”. I also recall just not being able to get on the “same page” with her, even though I knew what needed to happen to get connected. Resistance inside was at an all-time high, let me tell you.
During the final day of our tiffs, I realized what the major underlining problem was. It was not that we needed to “Bond”, that I did not have the respect and honor that I thought I deserved, or that I was being Prideful. Which by the way are the most common reasons when men feel that their wives are not their favorite person in the world. It was fear, fear that I would be seen as weak, or that my feelings would be hurt. Many guys may read this and say, “man what a wimp” or “What are you talking about, get your wife back in check”. However, being of Servant of Christ means more to me than anyone’s opinion, and that is where my journey to the root of the problem started. Isaiah predicted that Jesus, our Messiah would be treated as less than, in Isaiah 53:3 (NIV), he writes: “He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem”. So as I understood it and it was revealed to me that my problem was that I did not understand suffering. I also missed what it means to follow Jesus with my mind, my heart, my soul, and my words.
The emotions that I express should reflect how Jesus would react in every situation. I am supposed to fight against what I feel like saying versus saying the words that build up the other person and breathe life into a situation or person. When interacting, I am called to welcome criticism or conversations about how I have fallen short of a person’s expectations, or when they yell at me I am supposed to manage myself with Jesus’s help and find words that would lead to a loving connection. This my friends, is the emotional suffering I am to embrace. This is another major part of suffering that I must accept and join in fellowship with. The Letter of Peter gives us counsel and reassures us in 1 Peter 3:14 (NIV) he says: “But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. Do not fear their threats; do not be frightened.”
There is no way I am going to live up to everyone’s expectations so why beat myself up or even defend myself when I fail or fall short of others’ expectations? Now, don’t get me wrong, we are to listen to and for feedback, but not when it comes with condemnation or attacks. We are to battle with our fleshly desire to defend, fire back a comment, or even go into silence mode. Instead, we are to rest in God’s love by giving the other person Jesus based on what we say or how we react in the heat of the moment. Give them Jesus, not me. In Paul’s letter to the Philippians, he tells them, “For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him” (Philippians 1:29, NIV). Now, having given up myself, that is, my tendencies, my feelings, my learned or chosen words, my usual reactions, I gain more of the Prince of Peace, Jesus. As stated in another of Paul’s letters, this time to the church in Corinth, he writes: “If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing”(1 Corinthians 13:3, NIV).
Friends, I sensed that another part of me died that week, and my mission was reestablished - asking the Holy Spirit to help me keep it that way. I started asking for courage and strength through strife, tiffs, and hard times, and to always display Jesus. In Mark chapter 8, there is a commentary that says the people could tell that the disciples were with Jesus. My journey in becoming a true Servant of Christ included more and more helping people, including my wife and children, to see, feel, and most importantly, hear that confirming statement in Mark 8 directed at me, that I have been with Jesus.
Pause and Ponder:
1) What words that come out of your mouth could you choose differently?
2) What are the areas that need to die inside you, so Christ can live through you?
3) What thoughts about yourself need to change so you can suffer in Conflict and glorify God in the process.
You are loved by God and you are amazing.
Blessings,
Dane